it's been awhile

yes, it has been awhile since i have written anything. i could make excuses (i'm sooo busy, we've all been sick, i don't have anything to say, etc.). some of these are true and some imagined. basically, i just haven't done it. so today i pledge to write something every day - even if it is just a sentence, a thanks, a complaint, a scream - just something.

this is my awesome family. my best times are times spent with them. they make me a better person, more of who i want to be all the time.

i have really been thinking about a post on my dad's blog - http://www.jimstephensblog.blogspot.com/ - titled "my eyes are dry." you should really check it out. my dad is a pretty cool guy and really wise. i don't think i let him know that enough.

anyways, i have been feeling that way - a little dry. and it is pretty much because of my lack of effort on reaching out to God. why do i do this? i know how much better (is better the right word or is focused the word?) my life is and how much more open to what life has in store for me i am when i am working at my relationship with God. in talking with some friends last night, i realized i want to surround myself with transparent people, real people, but for that to happen i have to be that kind of person. yikes! do i want it that bad? i think i do.

so i have to work on being more real, more honest - and that includes being real and honest with myself. i tend to be a glass half full, look on the bright side of life type person, but to my detriment sometimes. i use my power of bright-side-of-life to avoid unpleasantness and "reality" at times. i just want everything to be good. but often, it is the hard stuff, the unpleasant stuff that brings the most growth and even most joy.

it is time for a hard, honest look at who i am and where God wants me to go. so here i go on this new leg of my life.